Honesty

First off, there is no shocking confession contained in this blog post. This is merely a philosophical type musing on the subject of honesty.

Earlier this week, I had a discussion with a close friend on the subject of honesty.  More specifically focusing on the importance of being honest with ourselves.  It was an interesting discussion that has prompted much reflection throughout the week, particularly today.  

During our discussion we talked a lot about feelings and how sometimes people bury or disguise feelings so they don't have to deal with them or wait until it is a convenient time to deal with certain issues.  In doing this, we don't always have the most accurate picture of ourselves and our situation.  Since this conversation, I have thought a lot about how I am feeling at moments throughout the day.  It has been interesting to notice how many different emotions I feel during one day and even to realize the emotion that is behind some of the moments I was previously not aware of.

Today's musings were aided in part by solo drives which gave me uninterrupted time to ponder on some of these thoughts.  I thought of the things that had happened this week, none of which were dramatic or earth shattering but part my normal life.  But then I started to reflect on how the events had made me feel.  Adding this one component, changed my perspective on how I view myself and these events.  It was amazing to discover some of the deeper feelings that were part of the normal day to day activities that I didn't think had much impact on my life.  It made me realize that my perception was skewed because of the lack of self honesty.  It wasn't that I was deliberately lying to myself trying to make myself believe something that was vastly untrue.  It was more like looking at something in dim light and then suddenly being able to inspect it in a brighter light.

These discoveries are not so dramatic to produce a major life change but helped me realize a little better what I truly want from life and the things that I find important.  It has been a little surprising to notice some of things I thought were of the highest importance a year ago are still important but not as important as other things in my life while things I didn't value much are becoming much more important.  I think that's really the whole point of honesty.  Being willing to change your perspective no matter the consequences to really set your priorities straight and also being willing to reevaluate from time to time to see if those priorities are still what they should be.

Joy in Imperfection

This is a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately for many reasons.  I feel like there has been an epidemic of sorts where more people than ever are being diagnosed and treated for many different mental illnesses namely things like depression.  Having been diagnosed with that I have thought a lot about what an individual can do to overcome the effects of this opponent.

First, I think everyone needs to acknowledge that they are not perfect as a human being and that is totally okay!  Personally, I am not perfect and I think if I were to be around someone who was perfect, it would drive me bonkers.  People are going to do and say things that are going to hurt you.  There are going to be things in life that disappoint you.  You are even going to disappoint yourself sometimes.  But the trick is to find joy in being imperfect.

Part of learning how to find joy in being imperfect is ignoring everything on social media.  I am definitely guilty of only putting things that make me look good.  I don't usually post about how much weight I gained over the holidays, how I was late to work, how I neglected to do my dishes, and many other things that would make me look imperfect.  But for some reason, I seemed to ignore the fact that everyone else is doing the same thing!  So comparing myself to them is ridiculous.  I don't know how high their stack of dishes is or anything else so making that comparison is unfair to both of us.

Finally, I realized how much joy that can be in recognizing the little things that you have.  These are  a list of things that bring me incredible joy even in my imperfect life.

• I am able to be self-sufficient and provide for myself.
• Even though my sink is full of dishes, I have a dishwasher that will make the task easier.
• I may weigh more than I want to but I am healthy and able to accomplish the things that I need to every day.
• I have a job that I love and am able to learn and grow at every day.
• Progress on little things like puzzles and coloring pictures :)

While these things may seem little, I can't express how much just remembering these little things and many more has left me going to bed with a smile on my face even when mental illness has reared its' ugly head that day.  I may not be perfect but I am more than a diagnosis and have the choice every day to continue to fight.  I don't win every battle but I am winning the war. 

A Season of Change

So August seems to be the month of the most change.  Sometimes those changes bring about happy feelings but other times they seem to bring about changes that may not seem to make us the most happy.  However, as I have reflected a little bit on the changes that are happening this month, they seem to overall make life a little more happy.  While my life is not exactly the way I pictured it as a child, I am grateful for the wonderful things that I do have and the opportunities that lay ahead of me.

Things that I am sad to leave behind:

• I am leaving behind a great ward full of wonderful friends.
• I am moving a little bit farther from my family than I have ever lived before.
• I am leaving a great apartment with even greater roommates.  They have seriously been the best!

Things that I am excited about!

• I have some wonderful friends who are moving to the same area as me!
• I get to spend about 2 less hours a day in a car by myself.
• I have a wonderful apartment all to myself!
• I have the opportunity to make many new friends as well as keep the old ones.
• I have the opportunity to keep growing in my new job and take on new challenges as we take on more clients.

FINALLY the best change of all that has happened in my life is the addition of this precious little thing into my life.  She is adorable and I am excited to watch her grow up into a sweet little girl just like her mom.